Researchers Erica J. Boothby and Vanessa K. Bohns found that compliment givers often underestimate how positively their words will affect the recipient and overestimate how awkward the recipient will feel. In short, we talk ourselves out of a simple act that benefits both people. Sometimes we overlook the opportunity. Our attention is divided, and our brains are constantly sorting through what deserves a response. Our senses gather over 1 billion bits of data per second, but the conscious mind deliberately processes only about 10 bits per second. As a result, we may miss chances to compliment a coworker for meaningful contributions, a spouse for work in the garden or even the cook for a delicious meal.
The answer is to be purposeful. Years ago, when I was struggling to work with a difficult colleague, my mentor challenged me to identify three positive things about that person each day. I resisted at first, but the exercise reframed the relationship. Instead of looking for negatives that reinforced my frustration, I began seeing small positives that gave me perspective and helped me collaborate more effectively.
That exercise has stayed with me throughout my career. I now look for opportunities to compliment others. It echoes a principle often associated with Ken Blanchard: Catch people doing something right.
Fear is another barrier. Some people worry about how a compliment will be received, especially when they do not know the person well. Yet that anxiety is often misplaced. Most people welcome sincere praise and appreciate being noticed.
My son once stopped to compliment the shirt of a stranger entering a restaurant as we were leaving. As we walked to the car, he said, “People don’t give men compliments, so I try to whenever I can.” Intrigued, I began observing everyday interactions and realized he was right: Many genuine compliments go unspoken.
So how do we change that? Start by looking for people doing something right. If complimenting others feels uncomfortable, begin with those closest to you. Over time, the habit becomes more natural.
When recognizing someone’s effort or work, focus on four elements:
Authenticity. Be sincere. Insincere praise can damage trust and is usually easy to recognize.
Specificity. Describe what you observed. Avoid vague generalizations. As I often tell managers, if I do something right, tell me what it was — then I might do it again.
Recognition of the process. Acknowledge the effort, preparation, persistence or judgment behind the result.
Impact. Explain why it mattered to the team, client, project or workplace culture.
In the workplace, compliments can be powerful motivators when they recognize effort, growth or contribution. For managers and supervisors, sincere praise is not merely a “nice to have.” It is a practical leadership tool that reinforces desired behaviors, strengthens relationships and helps people feel seen.
If you work in an environment where compliments are rare, make it your mission to change that. Look for opportunities to recognize others and pass along praise when you hear it. For managers and supervisors, this is the leadership opportunity: Do not assume people know they are valued. Tell them specifically, sincerely and often. A well-placed compliment costs little, but it can strengthen trust, reinforce excellence and create the kind of workplace where people are motivated not only to do good work, but to keep doing it.
Manager Checklist: Giving Compliments That Matter
- Notice specific behaviors, efforts or contributions worth reinforcing.
- Compliment promptly, while the action or impact is still fresh.
- Be sincere; avoid praise that feels exaggerated or automatic.
- Name exactly what the person did well.
- Recognize the effort, preparation, persistence or judgment behind the result.
- Explain why it mattered to the team, client, project or workplace culture.
- Share positive feedback you hear from others.
- Make recognition a regular leadership habit, not a rare event.
